I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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