Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
