A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
