for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
