It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
