Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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