I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My balls are so social today.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
