ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
