areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
