Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
there is glitter all over my balls
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
