the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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