I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
