he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
