Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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