People with herpes should wear stickers.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
