Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
