I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
