We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
