I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
