We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
