Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
