i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
