Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
