...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
