Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
