My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
