I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
