im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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