she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
