Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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