I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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