I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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