I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
