You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
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she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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