Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
