He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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