If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
