I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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