It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
soo... how was my night?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
