I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
