Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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