There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
