I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
