Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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