how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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