Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
