Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
