He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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