oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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