Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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