To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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