Just fell off a train. Bad.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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