i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
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Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
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My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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