Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize