sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
babies were throwing up all over the place
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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