Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
