I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
