Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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