my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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