she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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