DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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