I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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