dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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